umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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