Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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