So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
