it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
