I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
