Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
