You're completely useless in the revolution.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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