so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize