Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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