Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize