I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
