I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
