God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
