I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
