Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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