Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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