oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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