I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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