I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
