Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
