We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
