just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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