Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
