Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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