Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
