I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
