Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
