we have officially lost it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
