people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
