the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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