No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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