$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
