I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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