This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
