Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize