fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
