i just made my gag reflex go away.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
