who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
