i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
