Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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