Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
