At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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