my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
