too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize