I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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