i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
