But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
