I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
