i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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