i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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