whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
