woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize