someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you had me at cake vodka
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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