please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize