My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As shirtless as possible
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
