didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
