weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
