Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
