I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
