I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
