I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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