my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
