You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
