census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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