Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
