The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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