Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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