I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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