smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
