Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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