So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize